就是愛音乐。 怎样？ So I love music. XX?

I am at a crossroads of life. Not because I chose to.

But I suspect, in my weakness and failure to control my life in the past, I am destined now to stand at this crossroad.

I felt a big loss and abandonment. Anger. Misery. Confusion. Silently crying out for help. Where shall I go? What shall I do to get it? Get what? Get it.

I dug into my secret treasure of compositions -- melodies that I had written, played on the organ  --when people still used to have an organ at home, so you can how imagine long ago that was -- recorded and saved on my computer.

I thought I should find a way to sell the songs. My musician friends didn't think they were good enough. But I do (haha!).

I knew the melodies that I had written came through divine inspiration -- not through my skill -- even though I am musically trained. I knew the entire song's melody just came naturally instantly and I wrote them down right away. It was never a chore of writing each melody over few days or few weeks.

I had a few demos done by very fresh arrangers, but they were technically off-beat and off-tempo. These people were not getting me...

But I never knew what to do with those melodies. Sell them? I tried asking someone who is in music production. He told me that album producers don't want music from unknowns like me. They have their own cliques. And Warner Chappell is non-penetrable.

So many naysayers. You're not good enough. You're not pretty enough. You're too old. You're not going to make it.

Well, I went ahead to find another arranger to make my melodies sound more current and like a  professional music arrangement. And one arrangement came back which excited me! Then I had this brilliant selfish urge to keep my song and not let anyone else sing it! I was in love with my song. I should sing it, cause I'm the only who knows this melody inside out. Now I just need some lyrics.

Then today i heard on the radio 2 announcers were discussing the topic of composing songs. Both being singers and thus, musicians, they also had their songs rejected before even though they spent so much time and heart writing them.

But their conclusion was, we love music and so it is. Yes, you may criticize our music, we will learn to become better from your criticism, but we will continue to make music JUST because we love it.

就是愛音乐。 怎样？(Jiu shi ai yin yue. Zen yang?) This was the slogan of an upcoming music awards show...I can't write a blog in Chinese, but it roughly means "So I Love Music"....the last 2 words can sound very assertively rebellious and challenging the critics...

"Zen yang?" in this context, it sounds like ...
"So I Love Music. What's your problem?"
"I just love music. You have a problem with that?"

Even though I don't support this kind of challenging tone...it's as though we're defending ourselves from the the naysayers who keep looking down on our desire to make music --
"Don't waste your time. You'll never make money from music. Who do you think you are? You need to be really good to make it. You can't make it here in this country. Don't dream. Get a real job!!!"

...it got me thinking about me wanting to do music at my age...and not just wanting to do music...but having a deep urge to sing it in public...to record it for eternity...to reach out to the world. It's not for self glamour.

If I wanted to be glamourous, I would have done it 20 years ago and not hide myself in Nobody-dom, even though I was also not good enough to turn professional, even though my music may be criticized, even though I am not a good singer now (but I will keep on training myself and hope that someone would like my singing).

Who has the authority to decide for you what you can and cannot do anyway? The Prime Minister? The police? The radio station? The most successful record label? The artiste manager? Your mother? Your cousin?

The Chinese have a traditional belief that each one of us is fated to only conquer in certain areas of business. For example, some are meant to be in the food & beverage industry, some are meant to be in sales, some are meant to be in metalworks, some are meant to be in finances... something to do with the elements of your birthdate...

Perhaps my spiritually-sensitive Sifu may be able to sense if I'm meant to have a career in music. So a friend suggested I consult him.

Sifu gave me a lashing of words. He says as long as you have found the money to make it happen, and know your target market, you can do it.

Music is an art. Art is creative. Creativity means freedom. It is a freedom to express. Who can control creativity?

I tell you. If something is meant to happen. It will find its way to happen. No human on earth could stop the forces of nature or the forces of God.

Now, I believe that Music is a gift from God, and it was implanted in humans as part of our DNA. It is meant as a channel and a way for us to express ourselves and share our soul...in times of joy, in times of sadness.

So when we sing and when we play music, whether it is bringing income for us or not, it should not be frowned upon. Of course, some music or singing may not be well presented, or its genre may not go well with your liking.

But it is undeniably a soul expression. And none of us can stop a soul's real journey.



#irriessechia