The Making of "Where Are We Going?"

Found the song I used to play on the organ. Never realized who sang it and what it was about.

And that was the song that hit me when I was sitting at the cafe writing about my rants....when I wrote the poem "Where Are We Going?"

https://www.scribd.com/doc/263841236/Where-Are-We-Going

Where Are We Going?

  Where Are We Going? by Iris

就是愛音乐。 怎样？ So I love music. XX?

I am at a crossroads of life. Not because I chose to.

But I suspect, in my weakness and failure to control my life in the past, I am destined now to stand at this crossroad.

I felt a big loss and abandonment. Anger. Misery. Confusion. Silently crying out for help. Where shall I go? What shall I do to get it? Get what? Get it.

I dug into my secret treasure of compositions -- melodies that I had written, played on the organ  --when people still used to have an organ at home, so you can how imagine long ago that was -- recorded and saved on my computer.

I thought I should find a way to sell the songs. My musician friends didn't think they were good enough. But I do (haha!).

I knew the melodies that I had written came through divine inspiration -- not through my skill -- even though I am musically trained. I knew the entire song's melody just came naturally instantly and I wrote them down right away. It was never a chore of writing each melody over few days or few weeks.

I had a few demos done by very fresh arrangers, but they were technically off-beat and off-tempo. These people were not getting me...

But I never knew what to do with those melodies. Sell them? I tried asking someone who is in music production. He told me that album producers don't want music from unknowns like me. They have their own cliques. And Warner Chappell is non-penetrable.

So many naysayers. You're not good enough. You're not pretty enough. You're too old. You're not going to make it.

Well, I went ahead to find another arranger to make my melodies sound more current and like a  professional music arrangement. And one arrangement came back which excited me! Then I had this brilliant selfish urge to keep my song and not let anyone else sing it! I was in love with my song. I should sing it, cause I'm the only who knows this melody inside out. Now I just need some lyrics.

Then today i heard on the radio 2 announcers were discussing the topic of composing songs. Both being singers and thus, musicians, they also had their songs rejected before even though they spent so much time and heart writing them.

But their conclusion was, we love music and so it is. Yes, you may criticize our music, we will learn to become better from your criticism, but we will continue to make music JUST because we love it.

就是愛音乐。 怎样？(Jiu shi ai yin yue. Zen yang?) This was the slogan of an upcoming music awards show...I can't write a blog in Chinese, but it roughly means "So I Love Music"....the last 2 words can sound very assertively rebellious and challenging the critics...

"Zen yang?" in this context, it sounds like ...
"So I Love Music. What's your problem?"
"I just love music. You have a problem with that?"

Even though I don't support this kind of challenging tone...it's as though we're defending ourselves from the the naysayers who keep looking down on our desire to make music --
"Don't waste your time. You'll never make money from music. Who do you think you are? You need to be really good to make it. You can't make it here in this country. Don't dream. Get a real job!!!"

...it got me thinking about me wanting to do music at my age...and not just wanting to do music...but having a deep urge to sing it in public...to record it for eternity...to reach out to the world. It's not for self glamour.

If I wanted to be glamourous, I would have done it 20 years ago and not hide myself in Nobody-dom, even though I was also not good enough to turn professional, even though my music may be criticized, even though I am not a good singer now (but I will keep on training myself and hope that someone would like my singing).

Who has the authority to decide for you what you can and cannot do anyway? The Prime Minister? The police? The radio station? The most successful record label? The artiste manager? Your mother? Your cousin?

The Chinese have a traditional belief that each one of us is fated to only conquer in certain areas of business. For example, some are meant to be in the food & beverage industry, some are meant to be in sales, some are meant to be in metalworks, some are meant to be in finances... something to do with the elements of your birthdate...

Perhaps my spiritually-sensitive Sifu may be able to sense if I'm meant to have a career in music. So a friend suggested I consult him.

Sifu gave me a lashing of words. He says as long as you have found the money to make it happen, and know your target market, you can do it.

Music is an art. Art is creative. Creativity means freedom. It is a freedom to express. Who can control creativity?

I tell you. If something is meant to happen. It will find its way to happen. No human on earth could stop the forces of nature or the forces of God.

Now, I believe that Music is a gift from God, and it was implanted in humans as part of our DNA. It is meant as a channel and a way for us to express ourselves and share our soul...in times of joy, in times of sadness.

So when we sing and when we play music, whether it is bringing income for us or not, it should not be frowned upon. Of course, some music or singing may not be well presented, or its genre may not go well with your liking.

But it is undeniably a soul expression. And none of us can stop a soul's real journey.



#irriessechia

A Sudden Discovery

A sudden discovery.

An amazing gift.

Of a great song.

Of a great singer.

Cover - wo de ge sheng li

I just learned my current favourite song by Chinese artiste, Qu Wan Ting -- You Exist In My Song (Wo De Ge Sheng Li).

It's really raw, but I'm so happy cos this is my 2nd attempt at playing & recording the entire song in my simple "home studio."

The Answer

Come to me in a thousand ways,

A thousand moments,

A thousand places,

Pools of knowingness,

Deepest, no less,

Particles of truth,

My doubts to soothe.

Come to me in a thousand ways,

A thousand moments,

A thousand places,

Fear keeps us apart,

Open my heart,

Faith brings us closer,

Joy unites us.

Author's Note: This is a poem I started several weeks ago but just completed yesterday. Every poem I write is about something that I have observed and experienced in my life. It could be a behaviour, an attitude, a situation, a sign that made me think and analyze over and over again. 

I was struggling over my emotions and my understanding of myself, my soul work, questioning where I went wrong when I thought I had begun to get it right, I was guided to pick up the book that gave me the answer and the video that gave me the answer. It is said that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. 

It was written somewhere that God speaks to us in many ways, not just through any particular "religious/historical" book. Perhaps it is because I was born with a quiet spirit and interests in the arts: music, dancing, painting, writing. This quiet spirit of mine instilled a lot of conflict within me. It was a setback at home, in school, in college, with the guys, with the teachers, with the management, with society -- not too often praised, but perhaps appreciated by some once in a while. 

Yet, my American "mom," Sharon, spending time with me during my college years, was the only one who told me she noticed it and described me as being sensitive to my surroundings, having a spiritual gift. She saw that I appreciated the beauty and colours of nature, I could write about it and talk about it. I was flattered but I didn't understand how it could be a spiritual gift. Even though I longed to be close to God, to be loved by him, and to be treated as special, I thought that God didn't even know my name. Not many people did, either. When others talked about literally hearing God speak to them, or through a church leader, or seeing angels, or given God's healing, I never had any close encounters with God. It was as if I was forever assigned to sit in the back row. I was just an audience and not a participant.

After a relationship breakup that crashed all the fragile concepts I had of what my life was supposed to be, I left church and refused to read anymore official religious documents. In a rebellious sort of way, I wanted to experience what the "unGodly" and "sinful" were going through. I wanted to see and hear God through other people, through other authors that wrote "wrong teachings;" through the clouds, and the trees, the music in the dance clubs, and through the movies....

One thing led to another. Recently, as I was wondering how to find my answers, I noticed that words were reminding me that this Universe is ours to experience, as we all are soul fragments of the larger God -- "made in the likeness of God" -- then, why wasn't I behaving as if? That, when we ask, it is given. The answer is always there. Can we miss it? No. Because it will come in many ways, again and again. Just open my eyes, my ears, my heart, my soul to find the answer to my question. 

This poem is about my understanding of where and how to find my answer. And if I desired it, I will find it. 

The Master of Disbelief

I am a Master of Disbelief -- yep, the Science of rejecting the possibility of the actual happening of a thing, a situation or a person that I so-o-o-o want in my life. 

I was an expert at Disbelief since childhood. I proved that theory true over and over again. I was born with the Silver Spoon of Disbelief in my mouth.  (It's probably the only thing I believe in...) I could be royalty in the Kingdom of Disbelief, I swear. A Princess. Her Royal Highness. 

I had an early start. I practised disbelieving since childhood. A child genius, I was. As a mite living under my parents' roof, going to school and doing all the things that normal children that age do, I disbelieved that I was worth my parents' love. 

Then, I brought that science with me to my teenage years. Oh, how I proved myself right again. I really did grow up well. (Smile with a smirk). It was the time of my life -- to disbelief that anything I wanted could ever happen -- the cute guy, the exam scores, the dresses.... everything that I wanted then, was NOT going to be mine! I should have felt delighted.

Then, in my adult years, I practised that Science at work too -- disbelieving every step of the way that I was worth that job, or that promotion, or that salary. I disbelieved that I was worthy of being in the right relationship with the right guy -- that he'd even want me in the first place. Oh, how could I have even believed that! 

Then, I founded my own company. Oh, wow! My dream come true, all my ambitions being realized at last, all that I ever wanted to do! I was on my way -- NOT! Again, I proved that I was THE MASTER OF DISBELIEF! Haha! It should be funny. It should tickle my bones to know that I am right -- yet again! I am not just a Master of Disbelief. I am also a Prophesier. 

My life has been success after success -- whoopee -- of Disbelief. I don't need to live another lifetime to understand its ins and outs. There are no steps to follow. No guidebooks to read. No book for me to write and publish -- except this little article.

So, having achieved mastery, what's next? Exactly. What's next? Been there. Done that. Oh, you don't know how far I've been and how much I've done. I can't even believe my own achievement. I'm so proud of myself. Yay....

Something happened just a few weeks ago. I had been practising Disbelief as always, and yet for years I wanted to also master Belief. Maybe it was an invisible arrow from the heavens; a lightning strike in my soul; caved-in moments in the recesses of the universe.

I suddenly knew. I knew -- not just a little, not just bit by bit. But I knew! I actually knew! Now I know 100%. 

I know what is Belief.