A Sudden Discovery

A sudden discovery.

An amazing gift.

Of a great song.

Of a great singer.

Cover - wo de ge sheng li

I just learned my current favourite song by Chinese artiste, Qu Wan Ting -- You Exist In My Song (Wo De Ge Sheng Li).

It's really raw, but I'm so happy cos this is my 2nd attempt at playing & recording the entire song in my simple "home studio."

The Answer

Come to me in a thousand ways,

A thousand moments,

A thousand places,

Pools of knowingness,

Deepest, no less,

Particles of truth,

My doubts to soothe.

Come to me in a thousand ways,

A thousand moments,

A thousand places,

Fear keeps us apart,

Open my heart,

Faith brings us closer,

Joy unites us.

Author's Note: This is a poem I started several weeks ago but just completed yesterday. Every poem I write is about something that I have observed and experienced in my life. It could be a behaviour, an attitude, a situation, a sign that made me think and analyze over and over again. 

I was struggling over my emotions and my understanding of myself, my soul work, questioning where I went wrong when I thought I had begun to get it right, I was guided to pick up the book that gave me the answer and the video that gave me the answer. It is said that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. 

It was written somewhere that God speaks to us in many ways, not just through any particular "religious/historical" book. Perhaps it is because I was born with a quiet spirit and interests in the arts: music, dancing, painting, writing. This quiet spirit of mine instilled a lot of conflict within me. It was a setback at home, in school, in college, with the guys, with the teachers, with the management, with society -- not too often praised, but perhaps appreciated by some once in a while. 

Yet, my American "mom," Sharon, spending time with me during my college years, was the only one who told me she noticed it and described me as being sensitive to my surroundings, having a spiritual gift. She saw that I appreciated the beauty and colours of nature, I could write about it and talk about it. I was flattered but I didn't understand how it could be a spiritual gift. Even though I longed to be close to God, to be loved by him, and to be treated as special, I thought that God didn't even know my name. Not many people did, either. When others talked about literally hearing God speak to them, or through a church leader, or seeing angels, or given God's healing, I never had any close encounters with God. It was as if I was forever assigned to sit in the back row. I was just an audience and not a participant.

After a relationship breakup that crashed all the fragile concepts I had of what my life was supposed to be, I left church and refused to read anymore official religious documents. In a rebellious sort of way, I wanted to experience what the "unGodly" and "sinful" were going through. I wanted to see and hear God through other people, through other authors that wrote "wrong teachings;" through the clouds, and the trees, the music in the dance clubs, and through the movies....

One thing led to another. Recently, as I was wondering how to find my answers, I noticed that words were reminding me that this Universe is ours to experience, as we all are soul fragments of the larger God -- "made in the likeness of God" -- then, why wasn't I behaving as if? That, when we ask, it is given. The answer is always there. Can we miss it? No. Because it will come in many ways, again and again. Just open my eyes, my ears, my heart, my soul to find the answer to my question. 

This poem is about my understanding of where and how to find my answer. And if I desired it, I will find it. 

The Master of Disbelief

I am a Master of Disbelief -- yep, the Science of rejecting the possibility of the actual happening of a thing, a situation or a person that I so-o-o-o want in my life. 

I was an expert at Disbelief since childhood. I proved that theory true over and over again. I was born with the Silver Spoon of Disbelief in my mouth.  (It's probably the only thing I believe in...) I could be royalty in the Kingdom of Disbelief, I swear. A Princess. Her Royal Highness. 

I had an early start. I practised disbelieving since childhood. A child genius, I was. As a mite living under my parents' roof, going to school and doing all the things that normal children that age do, I disbelieved that I was worth my parents' love. 

Then, I brought that science with me to my teenage years. Oh, how I proved myself right again. I really did grow up well. (Smile with a smirk). It was the time of my life -- to disbelief that anything I wanted could ever happen -- the cute guy, the exam scores, the dresses.... everything that I wanted then, was NOT going to be mine! I should have felt delighted.

Then, in my adult years, I practised that Science at work too -- disbelieving every step of the way that I was worth that job, or that promotion, or that salary. I disbelieved that I was worthy of being in the right relationship with the right guy -- that he'd even want me in the first place. Oh, how could I have even believed that! 

Then, I founded my own company. Oh, wow! My dream come true, all my ambitions being realized at last, all that I ever wanted to do! I was on my way -- NOT! Again, I proved that I was THE MASTER OF DISBELIEF! Haha! It should be funny. It should tickle my bones to know that I am right -- yet again! I am not just a Master of Disbelief. I am also a Prophesier. 

My life has been success after success -- whoopee -- of Disbelief. I don't need to live another lifetime to understand its ins and outs. There are no steps to follow. No guidebooks to read. No book for me to write and publish -- except this little article.

So, having achieved mastery, what's next? Exactly. What's next? Been there. Done that. Oh, you don't know how far I've been and how much I've done. I can't even believe my own achievement. I'm so proud of myself. Yay....

Something happened just a few weeks ago. I had been practising Disbelief as always, and yet for years I wanted to also master Belief. Maybe it was an invisible arrow from the heavens; a lightning strike in my soul; caved-in moments in the recesses of the universe.

I suddenly knew. I knew -- not just a little, not just bit by bit. But I knew! I actually knew! Now I know 100%. 

I know what is Belief.

Train Your Expectations

Whenever I feel uninspired, down, lost, hopeless, passionless -- I look for Abraham Hicks' messages to raise me up again. 

Too many things and problems in life may drown me so I need to pull myself out of that tsunami of negative emotions. 

 This is my great reminder of how powerful God is, and how powerful He has made us.

Full Moon At Its Brightest

Today, I saw a really big and bright full moon.

Then I remembered it was supposed to be at its brightest 2 nights ago...but I wasn't paying attention then. Thank God that it was still bright tonight.

I didn't have the best camera to take a photo, cos it wouldn't had been able to capture its awesome, sweet brightness.

But I can remember it in my head.

And this will help me to remember to appreciate the goodness in my life.

I Discovered The Kaleidoscope

...kaleidoscope effects....

...it was a miraculous discovery while sitting on this bed playing with my iphone...

September Shares / Antara Anyir & Jakarta

One of my all-time favourite tunes.

All the way from the 80's...

Here is the Malay version & the English version.

The Lost Piece -- by Yu-Chi

the lost piece

Whitney Houston -- Do You Think She Loved Herself?

Every time a rich and famous artiste dies, we shed some tears, our heart is filled with sadness for someone we don't know personally, yet think we know so well.

What a shock to hear that Whitney Houston has passed on at 48 today. We had hoped that she would regain her true self after years of hearing about her tumultuous life of drug abuse and rocky marriage. But it was not to be as it looks like her life ended with regrets.

The greatest irony and sadness is that the woman who sang "learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all" -- never did love herself. The woman who was so loved and adored for singing those words for us to understand, she herself struggled to find her place in this world.

We will never really know what was going on inside her mind. Yet, the questions running through our mind are why couldn't she deal with all the money and success? But yet, it seems she lived a wealthy lifestyle. What made her want to consume those drugs? Drugs could be described as a rich-and-famous playground, but her dependency on it meant that she was trying to get the "high" all the time -- an escape into another world.

So again, this is a time of reflection for me and for so many others. How are we going to live as we grow older? How do we deal with our successes and non-successes? How are we going to deal with growing older, looking older, growing fatter, growing less prettier, sickness and whatever that comes with age?

For me, a musician at heart, I respect her talent. I know it takes so much self-confidence and constant self-reassurance to keep yourself going to do your music, even if nobody else encourages you to.

When I look at her life, I am sad because she has achieved something I never could do and yet she might not have truly appreciated it all.

Rest in peace.

Don't Forget - Baek Ji Young

I love this song and have gotten quite good now at memorizing the Korean lyrics. Baek Ji Young's voice has a high range and she hits both high notes and low notes with a lot of feelings.

If you haven't heard this before, I first heard it on the hit Korean drama -- Iris.

A Natural Poet, A Passionate Poet

What a great poet!

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

Jefferson Bethke
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jefferson-Bethke/339101236109342


Talented.